An open letter to Germans everywhere
Hello my fellow Fatherlandians. Yes, I too can trace my lineage back to Deutschland. I just spent a week in two of your cities (Stuttgart and Bautzen), and have the following thoughts:
1) You have got to add more Air Conditioning. Everywhere I went, public places were not conditioned. Airport business lounges, Hotels (and my room at the Holiday Inn!), were too warm. Everyone over there was quick to point out that global warming has made a drastic impact on the weather, and while it’s hard to believe that your ultra-recent weather patterns are a direct result of Global changes, I will allow for the possibility that natural patterns may be amplified at this time. Still, no excuse for stinky, sweatyness just from sitting at a bar.
2) Love your Diesels. Just plain loved the BMW 320D Wagon. Man, that blew my mind. Didn’t like the Volvo S80D, but hey, it’s not yours, right?
3) Capri pants are NOT for men. Period. No exceptions. So Stop It.
4) Smoking is bad for you. It says so right on your packs of cigs in REAL BIG LETTERS. And yet, there is no such thing as non-smoking, save for parts of airports. Seriously, you smoke way to much.
5) Respect the line. If someone got there before you, they get to go before you. No smooshing your way in.
6) Like your beers, by the way. Wine was pretty good too.
7) I didn’t like being nickeled-and-dimed for everything. Here in the US, when you pay more then $100 a night, you get wireless internet included, as well as all sorts of TV options. In all but the most Urban hotels, parking is included as well. And when we say breakfast is included, we don’t mean it’s available for an additional charge.
The most frustrating thing for me was the language. My mastery of english, and my fluency in spanish, offered me nothing in Germany. I felt so incredibly helpless, dependent on others and their ability to speak my language. It was uncomfortable, but of course, I don’t blame you.
Overall, I did have a good time, if not for the odd inconveniences. Oh, and did I mention the beer?
Sincerely,
RedSwingline
June 19th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Actually, Sara & I just got back from a 3 night stay at the Westin in Waltham, MA. We got a really good wedding rate of $109/night. I didn’t, however, expect the $9/night for parking, $14 continental b-fast (nothing hot for you non-USA folks), $15 hamburgers for lunch, $9 drinks (not inlcuding ice (0.50), juice (1.00), or cola (1.00) if you want that added to your alcohol), $10/day for internet access, $19 full breakfast (2 eggs, bacon, juice & coffee - this is like $5 at Denny’s!!), and $9 to clean and press a (single) tux shirt. I was surprised because it was a really nice room and it really ruined our stay. Sorry for the vent but you brought it up!!
June 20th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Maybe they’re German?
June 21st, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Next time bring Zamoose with ya! He spekkin ze duetsch (whatever)
July 6th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Actually everything is extra at the real nice hotels here in the states. I stayed at a hotel in downtown Columbia, SC (WoW!) before my PE exam and everything was extra.
On the otherhand, I was just thinking about watching Beerfest again. Also, the germans love David Hasselhoff.
July 30th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
I agree men shouldn’t wear capris…. or clogs for that matter. It’s just not right. But maybe they wear them due to the lack of AC.
Most importantly, you seriously need to update your pics. I want to see new pics of the toddlers! Give my best to the family.
August 6th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Swingline, it’s been a long time since you posted.
YOU WEREN’T EATEN BY GERMANS WERE YOU!